How to go from Good to Great – with your Mentoring Skills

Good mentoring relationships can be richly rewarding, not only for the person being mentored, but for the mentor as well.  Mentors can provide exceptional learning experiences for their mentees and expand their mentee’s knowledge, awareness, insight and perspective.

There is a difference between informal mentoring, which many people do, and formal mentoring. In formal mentoring programs, the goals of the mentee should be stated very clearly up-front and the mentor who is matched with that mentee should have considerable experience and expertise in those areas.

There is a defined period of time for the partnership and the goals of the partnership should be clearly defined. In addition, the mentors should actually receive some training on how best to be a good mentor. They should also be coached during the process of their mentoring partnership for ways to either work through specific issues or on how to approach certain circumstances.

There are several things you can do to be a good mentor. Here are some helpful ideas:
1) Build trust.  The most important ingredient in a mentoring partnership is trust.  Take the time to build that trust up front within your partnership. That means you have to be trustworthy and trusting and be willing to show a little vulnerability.

2)  Honor confidentiality.  Another critical ingredient in a successful mentoring partnership is confidentiality. It is at the core of building trust. Both mentee and mentor are responsible
for maintaining the confidentiality of the partnership.

3) Be interested in your mentee as an individual.  A  mentoring partnership is a very personal relationship. You should get to know each other personally; understand your mentee’s goals so you can best determine how to help them succeed.

4) Meet your mentee where they are.  Not where you think they should be or where you want them to be.  Be realistic about what you can expect from your mentee.

5) Listen actively without judgment.  Listen openly to your mentee.  Ask questions for clarification. The mentor must listen, observe and be a solid sounding board, be patient and provide encouragement to the mentee.

6) Be accessible. Make your partnership a priority; commit the necessary time and be accessible.

7) Be present. Be fully engaged with your mentee, don’t be distracted.  It shows respect and builds trust.

8) Share your experiences.  Sometimes the best teacher is a story. Share appropriate stories of your experiences that will help the mentee view the situation in a new way.  Share your failures and mistakes as well; they are many times the best learning experiences.

9) Be a positive role model.  It is important to have the respect of your mentee. They can learn a lot merely by observing you in action, how you behave in certain situations or how you handle difficult questions or people.  Look for experiences you and your mentee can share that will not only enhance your partnership but be a learning experience for the mentee as well.

10) Realize you don’t have all the answers.  Good mentors realize they don’t have all the answers.  Many times the best answers come from the mentee’s own thinking, with the help of your guidance, experience and wisdom.

11)  Ask questions. The mentor is responsible for asking questions and challenging where necessary in
helping the mentee develop her/his action plan.  The mentor should ask and guide, versus tell and direct.

12)  Give constructive feedback.  Give your mentee honest and open feedback. Be kind and respectful, but be honest.

13) Allow the mentee to take responsibility for the partnership.  It’s all about the mentee and their
goals. Let them drive the partnership, with the mentor’s guidance.

14)  Be receptive to new ideas.  It’s important for both the mentee and mentor to be open and receptive to new ideas; it’s where growth comes from.

There are many nuances to a good mentoring partnership, many of which are passed over in informal
mentoring.  Whether you’re in a formal or informal mentoring partnership, these factors play a role in how
successful a mentoring partnership is. Mentoring is one of those things that looks easy from the outside –
anyone can do it, right? Not necessarily – and doing it well is what makes all the difference in the world –especially to the mentee.